Behind the glitzy parties, life is a saga of uncomfortable questions and suspicious husbands, if your job entails partying and client dinners. Now how many women are lucky enough to have a partner who opens the door for her in the middle of the night, escorts her to the bedroom if she's too drunk, takes off her shoes and tucks her into bed? And in the morning gets her a tray full of goodies and strong black coffee to nurse her hangover, caresses her head with fatherly love and says, "Had a tough day at work darling?" Not many we're sure. Call it 'western work culture' but an increasing number of women have to 'party' professionally at corporate dinners.
But their better (read bitter) halves find it difficult to digest, we found out.
Swati Chawla (name changed), who works at an event management company cannot imagine the scene we described, taking place in her bedroom."Not in my wildest of dreams. How can I expect royal treatment from him considering that he doesn't get it from me when he comes back drunk," she says. As an event manager dinners and parties are a part of her job but she knows about the hazards her profession could cause in her personal life.
This kind of lifestyle doesn't always go well with husbands, no matter how liberal they might seem. Men get insecure and as psychologist Anu Goel puts it, he becomes "the woman in the relationship." Thankfully for Chawla, things haven't gone sour. "My husband is a marketing professional and both us, more or less have to do the same kind of work. If I have to go out for events, my husband lives out of his suitcase, so we understand each other," says Chawla. Married for a year, she and her husband, Shiv have a pact between them.
"We both are quite cautious and strictly follow the rules. If one of us has to go out for a dinner or a party, the rule is we won't get too drunk and we try to get back home by midnight," she says. Her boss in Australia often calls her at odd hours because of the time difference, so she makes sure she attends all her calls in front of her husband and keeps him posted about her work.
Till now it has been a smooth ride for Chawla, but for some couples things did not quite work out.
Ranjana Naik and her husband, Shreyas met at B-School while pursuing their MBAs, and got married five years ago. Apart from love at first sight, Ranjana married Shreyas because she knew that a man from the same area of work would be more understanding and would give her the kind of independence she always yearned for. Ranjana joined a food retail chain as a marketing executive and graduated to become the brand manager in four years. "I worked late, travelled a lot, met clients, and attended parties. Shreyas too was in a medical equipments company and had the same rigorous schedule and were quite okay with it," says Ranjana. They had postponed having a baby for four years. And finally when they had a baby last year, their life went topsy-turvy.
"I joined back after my maternity leave, leaving my baby with the ayah - the woman was my ayah when I was small, so I could trust her with my child. But things were not the same. Shreyas wanted me to stay at home with the baby," she says. Whenever she had to go for an official dinner or came back late from work, her husband picked up a fight with her. So finally she decided to make some adjustments. You can't have your cake and eat it too, says Ranjana's marriage counsellor, Goel. "So she had to tell her bosses she wouldn't be able to work late though at her position it was the dumbest thing to do. Her career would be hampered, but she had to save her marriage," Goel admits. PS: Her husband, however, still continues with the same lifestyle.
Men always seem to escape the 'making adjustments' part of a marriage. The reason, Dr Kamal Khurana, marriage and relationship counsellor, Purple Alley, says is that they are still stuck up with traditional gender roles. "They are okay with their female colleagues working late or going for official parties. They would call their colleagues 'professional' but they can't fathom it when their own wife does the same," he says. "It is ironical how a man can empathise with his female co-worker but not his wife," he adds.
Most men who get suspicious and insecure are the ones who have some guilt hidden, says psychologist, Dr Gitanjali Kumar. " Either they have seen women involved in extra-marital affairs at their workplace or have themselves been involved in something similar. So when it comes to their wife, their mind starts ticking," she says. "Marriage means empathising with your spouse, sadly many couples don't go by this rule," she adds.
If empathy sounds to clichéd, then think of it as a business deal.
Strike the right deal with your partner and life will be one big party!
HONEY I'LL BE LATE
Keep your partner informed about your whereabouts. If you receive work-related phone calls at odd hours, attend to them in front of your partner.
Set a deadline for yourself at night and try to get back home by that time
Make sure you don't get sloshed at an office party. Office party goof-ups can have some long term repercussions
